Panic Button Protocols: The Official Guide to Losing Your Mind

Warning: The following information is for entertainment purposes only. Do not attempt to apply these techniques in real life, as they are likely to result in physical harm, emotional trauma, or both.

Section 1: The Art of Frenzied Flailing

Subsection: Techniques for maximum flailing efficiency

Section 2: The Science of Hyperventilation

Subsection: Hyperventilation: The key to controlled panic

Section 3: The Strategy of Sudden Scream-Singing

Subsection: Scream-singing: The art of turning your vocal cords into a human tornado