The Shouting Method: A Safety Feature for the Uncoordinated

For when you're about to die, but don't know why

Step 1: Shout at the top of your lungs, "I'M ABOUT TO DIE!"

This usually works.

Step 2: Wait for the fire alarm to sound, signaling that the fire department is on the way.

This rarely works.

Step 3: Shout again, this time with more emphasis, "I'M REALLY ABOUT TO DIE!"

This almost never works.

Go to Step 4

But don't worry, we're sure you'll figure it out.

Or not.