Q: What is the Saint Sebastian's Conclave?
A: A secret gathering of saints and holy men, where we discuss the finer points of being a good person, while sipping fine Italian wine.
Q: How much do the fees cost?
A: A mere $50,000 for the first year's tuition, and a mere $10,000 for each subsequent year. (Discounts for early bird applications available!)Q: Do I need a cape to attend?
A: A cape is not required, but it's highly encouraged. We have a strict no-sandals policy, though.
Q: Will I get a participation trophy?
A: No, but you will receive a participation certificate, which can be used as proof of attendance in your next job interview.
Q: Can I apply with a non-registered deity?
A: Unfortunately, no. You must have a registered deity, or a really, really nice letter of recommendation from a registered deity_goals.
Q: What if I'm allergic to incense?
A: That's a real problem. We have a separate, scent-free section for those with allergies. Just ask the doorman for directions.
Q: Can I bring my pet dragon?
A: Only if it's a certified, service-animal dragon. Otherwise, we'll have to ask you to leave.
Q: Will there be free Wi-Fi?
A: Yes, but don't expect it to be fast. We're using dial-up from the 90s.
Q: Can I apply by mail?
A: No, but you can try to fax us. We have a fax machine that still works... most of the time.
Q: What if I'm not a saint?
A: Then you're in luck! We have a "Saint-in-Training" program, available for an additional fee of $5,000. It includes a complimentary halo and a set of nice, new robes.