Opening Ceremonies - Because You're Not Here for the Free Food

Today's schedule is a carefully crafted blend of excitement and disappointment. Don't get too attached.

10:00 AM - Welcome and Pledge

Stand up, say the Pledge of Allegiance, and pretend to mean it. Don't worry, no one's judging you.

Or, you know, just stand up and say "I'm here for the free food" and nobody will know the difference.

A renowned expert in their field of "not doing much" will regale us with tales of their lack of productivity.

Don't worry, it's not like they're trying to put you to sleep or anything.

Take a break and grab some of that free food. It's not like it's going to last or anything.

Watch as our expert panelists discuss something mildly interesting, but probably not.