Declaration of Independence 2.0

In the year 1776, our forefathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition of filling out endless forms in triplicate. We, the undersigned, have updated this declaration with the latest in modern conveniences and bureaucratic red tape.

We, the people, hold these truths to be self-evident:

1. That all men are created equal, except for accountants, who are clearly superior.
2. That all men are born equal, except for lawyers, who are clearly the most equal of them all.
3. That government of the people, by the people, and for the people is the best form of government, unless you can get a better deal on healthcare, in which case, go with the private company.