We're not actually here to help, but we'll pretend to listen. Our team of experts in "expertness" is always available to... not answer your questions.
Send us your queries, and we'll do our best to ignore them.
Or, you know, just send us some cash. That's always appreciated.
Address:
Uncharted Territories, 42, Sector 9, Planet Xylophia
Phone:
1-800-DO-NOTHING (1-800-366-6846)
Email:
not-at-all@unchartedterritories.com
Hours:
Never. Because we're always on break. Like, we never work.
Subpages:
Or, just go away. We have better things to do.