It turns out, you're not as old as the world outside your window, but you're still single and it's starting to get weird.
Step 1: Panic for exactly 3 hours and 14 minutes.
Or, you know what? Maybe just go get some ice cream and cry in the park.
Step 2: Create a list of 17 reasons why you're still single and it's totally not you.
1. Everyone is just pretending to be happy in their relationships.
2. Dating apps are just a form of social Darwinism.
3. The concept of "Netflix and chill" is a myth perpetuated by the patriarchy.
...