Self-Help for the Utterly Confused

Pomodoro Tricks for the Chronically Distraught

Warning: the following methods may cause temporary productivity increases, but are not scientifically proven to cure existential dread.

1. The Pomodoro of Desperation: Work for 25 minutes, then eat an entire pizza by yourself. Repeat as necessary.

2. Panic Button: Create an emergency exit strategy for when your tasks become too overwhelming.

3. Caffeine Boosters: Ingest copious amounts of dark roast coffee and hope for the best.

4. Silence the Distracters: Remove all non-essential browser tabs and hope they don't come back.