Self-Help 2: Step 4, Option D: Substep 3 - Prophets of Doom

For those who have failed at self-help, this is the last chance to avoid the abyss of despair. In this substep, we will guide you through the process of summoning the Prophets of Doom, ancient beings of great wisdom and questionable sanity.

Step 1: Find a suitable location. A cave, a mountaintop, or a abandoned shopping center. Somewhere with minimal distractions and maximum echo.

Step 2: Prepare the offerings. We recommend a selection of stale crackers, a few bottles of k prophets' tears, and a VHS tape of "The Exorcist" on repeat.

Step 3: Call out to the Prophets of Doom. Use the ancient incantation: "Oh, Prophets of Doom, hear our plea! We are lost and confused, and our lives are but a meaningless void!"

For those who have succeeded, but still want to know more about the Prophets of Doom. Or, if you will, for those who just want to know more about the snacks we'll be offering as rewards.

A list of Frequently Asked Questions, and some answers that may or may not be correct.