Time-Dilation Upholstery Repair Services

The Solution to a Problem That Doesn't Exist (but will soon)

Are you tired of your chairs and sofas looking like they've been through a temporal rift? Do you have trouble keeping up with the demands of a universe where time is relative?

We specialize in repairing the fabric of space-time that's been ravaged by the stresses of modern life. Our expert team of time-dilation upholsterers will have your furniture looking like it was made in a world where time was still a fixed, linear concept.

Services include:

• Temporal Re-Weaving: We'll take your worn-out fabric and re-weave it into a seamless, chrono-synchronized whole.
• Time-Space De-Crampification: We'll remove those pesky creases and wrinkles that make you look like a time-traveler who's been through a few... er... "ækings" of the time-space continuum.
• Event Horizon Re-Cushioning: We'll add an extra layer of protection around your furniture to prevent it from getting sucked into a nearby black hole.

Don't wait any longer! Contact us today to schedule your appointment and let us help you navigate the complexities of the space-time continuum, one piece of furniture at a time.

Learn more about our Chrono-Scale Stain Removal services See our Time-Domain Redesign portfolio