Now that you've managed to get this far without completely ruining your team, it's time to really screw it up.
Introducing the 'Pancake Defense': a bold new strategy that involves wading into enemy fire while simultaneously trying to eat a snack.
Benefits of the Pancake Defense:
Related Reading: Step 4: The Art of Spontaneous Self-Inflicted Injury Or if you're feeling adventurous: Step 6: The Art of Randomly Pressing Buttons
Remember: even with the Pancake Defense, it's not a sure thing. But hey, at least you'll have a good story to tell after the fact.
Also, please note that the team motivation team is available for a morale boost. They're not actually doing anything helpful, but they're really good at making you feel better.