We regret to inform you that your stapler has reached critical failure mode.
This is likely due to a build-up of paper jam, a malfunctioning staple cartridge, or simply the existential dread of being a stapler in a post-stapler world.
For a comprehensive evaluation and repair, please contact our Bureaucratic Services Inc. team at /services/consulting/evaluation/consultation-appointment
Or, if you're feeling particularly crafty, try troubleshooting with our Stapler Repair Kit and see if you can fix the issue yourself.
Remember, a stapler is not just a tool, it's a state of mind.
For more information on the psychological impacts of stapler malfunction, visit /services/consulting/evaluation/stapler-therapy