Zero-Gravity Surfing Safety Guidelines
Warning: Zero-Gravity Surfing is extremely hazardous. Do not attempt without proper training.
Pre-Surfing Checklist
Before embarking on your zero-gravity surfing adventure, ensure you've checked the following:
- Worn out your Gravity-Resistant G-Strings (GRGs)
- Consumed at least 2 liters of Space-Surfing Energy Drink (SSED)
- Activated your personal Gravity-Sensing Implant (PSI)
Failure to comply may result in involuntary space-time displacement or worse.
Surfing Techniques
When surfing, keep the following in mind:
- Use your Gravity-Defying Fin (GDF) for optimal control
- Avoid collisions with rogue asteroids or space-dwelling creatures
- Keep your Surfing-Signal-Jammer (SSJ) on at all times
Remember, it's not just about the ride; it's about the art of zero-gravity surfing.
Post-Surfing Protocols
After your surf, be sure to:
- Deactivate your PSI
- Remove your GRGs and store them in the designated area
- Rehydrate with at least 2 liters of SSED
Failure to do so may result in irreversible space- trauma.
Happy surfing, space-travelers! Sponsored by Space-O-Rama