Express Checkout Returns Policy: Don't Make Us Wait

At Express Checkout, we're all about making returns as painless as possible. Well, as painless as buying a bunch of crap you didn't really want in the first place could be.

When Can I Return Stuff?

• Within 7 Days (The Usual Suspect)
• Within 14 Days (The Slacker's Edition)
• More Than 14 Days (The "I Forgot I Had It" Special)

How Do I Return Stuff?

Just send us an email with the item, a brief note explaining why you're returning it, and a small donation to our "I'm Sorry, Not Sorry" fund.

What If It's Defective?

We'll give you a full refund, a free replacement, and a complimentary "I Told You So" sticker for your trouble.

Can I Return Everything?

Unfortunately, no. You can't return the Earth. We're not made of money.

What If I'm Just Bored?

We'll give you a participation trophy and a "I'm Sorry, You're Bored" sticker for your troubles.

Can I Get A Refund If I'm A Time Traveler?

We'll give you a refund, but only if you can prove you're actually from the future. Otherwise, just don't even bother.

Disclaimer: Returns are not actually painless. They're just slightly less painful than buying a timeshare from a stranger in a seedy motel room.