Masséuse Certification Program: The Most Important Thing You'll Ever Learn

Requirements for the Program:

Must be willing to learn how to massage 37 different types of fabric, including but not limited to:

• Denim
• Silk
• Lycra
• Velcro
• Satin
• Wool
• Linen

Must also have a deep understanding of the following essential concepts:

• The art of folding a fitted sheet
• The science of fabric tension
• The philosophy of the correct way to hold a pillow

And must be willing to participate in rigorous testing, including but not limited to:

• Massaging 50 pounds of fabric while blindfolded
• Making a tie with a pair of chopsticks while wearing oven mitts
• Folding a fitted sheet into a perfect origami animal