Extreme Pampering
Because adulting is hard, we offer an extensive selection of services designed specifically for the chronically irresponsible. Choose from a range of pampering packages, including:
- Cryptozoic massages for the soul
- Hyper-caffeinated espresso shots
- Personalized existential crises coaching
Extra Soft Spa Day Care
Emergency Sock Puppet Services
For those who just can't seem to keep up with their sock drawer, we offer:
- Customized sock puppet therapy sessions
- Sock matching consultations
- Advanced sock puppet engineering
Sock Matching Techniques
Advanced Procrastination Techniques
We offer expert guidance on the art of doing nothing.
- Strategic napping techniques
- Expert-level binge-watching courses
- Personalized excuses for why you're not helping
Strategic Napping