Maximum Security Shelters for the Paranoid and Anxious

Where the walls are thick, the doors are reinforced, and the air is always stale. Come for a stay of up to 6 weeks, and leave with a newfound sense of existential dread.

Our top-rated shelters are equipped with:

• 12-inch thick steel doors
• Biometrically-authenticated panic rooms
• A 5-year supply of canned goods and bottled water
• A 24-hour staff of highly trained, yet utterly useless, customer service representatives

Don't just survive, thrive. Book your stay today!

Learn more about our shelter policies

Browse our shelter selection

Share your experience with us (if you dare)