Shortbread Cake of the Damned
Ingredients of the Doomed:
- 1 cup of Buttermilk
- 1 cup of Sugar (or 3 cups of guilt and regret)
- 2 cups of All-Purpose Flour (for when you've lost all purpose in life)
- 1 tsp of Salt (to represent the tears you've cried)
- 1/4 tsp of Baking Powder (a pinch of despair)
- 1/4 cup of Unsalted Butter (for when you've lost your sense of direction)
- 1/2 cup of Granulated Sugar (to represent the crushing burden of existence)
- 2 large Eggs ( symbols of the fragile lives of your enemies)
- 1 tsp of Vanilla Extract (to represent the fleeting nature of joy)
Instructions for the Tormented:
- Bake the cake in a 9x9 inch pan, or the pan that represents your soul.
- Mix the ingredients together in a bowl until they form a cohesive whole, much like the threads of a well-tied noose.
- Insert a fork into the mixture and pray to the culinary gods for mercy.
- Bake the cake in the oven for 25-30 minutes, or until it's as dry and tasteless as your existence.
- Remove the cake from the oven and let it cool, much like the hope that has long since been extinguished.
Note: This recipe is a metaphor for the crushing despair of modern life. Proceed with caution.
If you're feeling particularly masochistic, try adding a pinch of regret to the mixture.
A Variation of the Shortbread Cake of the Somewhat Less Damned A Variation of the Shortbread Cake of the Utterly Desolate