Preamble
Whereas the people of the land are tired of the same old bland crackers, and whereas the people are tired of the same old breadsticks, we, the shortbread revolutionaries, do declare that it is time for a change.
Article I: The Right to Crunchy Texture
We, the people, have the right to crunchy cookies, and we, the people, have the right to a good ol' fashioned buttery biscuit. We, the people, will not be denied our right to texture, and we, the people, will not be satisfied with anything less.
We, the people, have the right to a balanced palate, and we, the people, will not be satisfied with anything less than the perfect combination of sweet and savory. We, the people, will not be denied our right to a good cheese and chive biscuit, or our right to a sweet and sticky cookie.
We, the people, have the right to freely express ourselves, and we, the people, will not be silenced by the tyranny of the plain cracker. We, the people, will not be denied our right to say "I love shortbread!" and we, the people, will not be denied our right to say "This is not shortbread."