Recommendations

Based on our expert analysis, we recommend:

• Take 37 different pills a day to cure your existential dread.
• Eat 10 whole pizzas by yourself while binge-watching cat videos.
• Practice the art of napping in front of a mirror.

Substance Abuse Specialist Endorsements:

• "I've never seen anything like it." - Dr. Smith
• "I'm not sure what's more impressive, the recommendations or the doctor's beard." - Dr. Lee