Quantum Cooking Safety Guidelines

Warning: Quantum cooking can be hazardous to your health, sanity, and relationships.

Do not attempt to cook quantum matter without proper training and equipment.

Pre-Quantum-Safety Checklist

  1. Item 1: Wear a lab coat
  2. Item 2: Remove all jewelry
  3. Item 3: Turn off your hair dryers

Unforeseen Consequences

In the event of quantum matter explosion, please do not attempt to contain the blast with a firehose.

Post-Quantum-Safety Guidelines

  1. Item 1: Do not eat the quantum soup
  2. Item 2: Report all quantum spills to your landlord

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What happens if I accidentally quantum-cook a sentient being?

A: You will be charged with sentient-being-related quantum-cooking (SBQC) and may face up to 5 years in quantum-prison.

Q: Can I use a toaster oven for quantum cooking?

A: Only if you enjoy a 50% chance of quantum explosion and a 100% chance of ruined kitchen.