Step 1: Find a comfortable position, preferably on a couch or a bean bag chair. If you're feeling fancy, try it on a mountaintop or a cloud.
Inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds. Repeat for 5 minutes, then take a 5-minute break to scroll through memes on your phone.
As you breathe in, count to 4. As you breathe out, count to 6. Try to avoid counting to 7, it's just too stressful.
For extra relaxation, try inhaling a liter of oxygen, then exhaling a liter of helium. The results will be here.