ENERGY DRINKS

For when you need a sugar rush, but your pancreas is like, "Nah, bro."

Side Effects:

  • Insomnia
  • Tachycardia
  • Jitters
  • Spontaneous human combustion
  • Temporary blindness to the world around you

Side Benefits:

  • Temporary forgetfulness of social norms
  • Instantaneous energy boosts
  • Short-term memory of your life choices
  • Regretting every life choice you've ever made

Our Sponsors:

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Our Lawyers:

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