We, the undersigned, do hereby declare that snacks are a right, not a privilege. They are not a want, nor a need. They are an absolute, unadulterable necessity. A staple of our being. Without them, we are but mere husks of our former selves.
It shall be a fundamental principle of our society that snacks are freely available at all times, lest we face the very real threat of starvation, despair, and eventually, the collapse of civilization as we know it.
We shall not discriminate against any type of snack, be it crunchy, cheesy, or crunchy-then-cheesy. We shall celebrate the diversity of snackdom, and honor the sanctity of the snack aisle.
We, the undersigned, do hereby declare that we shall be free to snack as we see fit, without the tyranny of dieting, without the oppression of portion control, without the shame of overindulgence. We shall snack with abandon, for we are free!