Overstuffed Operations Manual for Shift Workers

Warning: The following manual is not intended for actual human consumption. It's for Shift Workers like you.

Emergency Procedures

  1. Call for backup. Literally. Call someone.
  2. Don't touch anything. You'll just make it worse.
  3. Stare blankly into space, it helps.
  4. Repeat: "I'm not sure what's happening" several times.
Proceed to Level 10 for Advanced Shift Work Techniques

Snack Protocol

  1. Grab a handful of stale crackers. You earned them.
  2. Wash them with a dirty water bottle. It's fine.
  3. Consume the whole package, including packaging.
  4. Repeat as necessary.
Consult Snack Substitution Matrix