Welcome to the Quantum-induced Coma Management Agency, where the fabric of reality is held together with duct tape and prayers.
We provide expert management for those who have fallen into a state of quantum-induced coma. Our team of highly trained professionals will guide you through the process of slowly regaining consciousness, one subatomic particle at a time.
"I was trapped in a quantum-induced coma for 17 minutes, but thanks to QICM, I'm back to my old self... mostly." - John D.
"I didn't even know I was in a coma until I saw the price of the bill." - Jane D.
We're a team of highly trained quantum physicists, therapists, and comedians. Because, why not?" - Dr. Bob, Quantum Coma Specialist
Phone: 1-800-I-FELL-ASLEEP
Email: [info@quantuminducedcoma.com](mailto:info@quantuminducedcoma.com)
We're not actually qualified to do any of this. But we're pretty sure it sounds like we are.
We accept credit cards, PayPal, and small loans from your parents.
We'll sell your data to whoever has the best bid. Don't look at us.
All content is (c) Quantum-induced Coma Management, 2023. Don't steal it or we'll have to send you to the quantum realm.