The Unrelenting, Unyielding, Unapologetic Snack Empire - Terms and Conditions
By accessing our site, you're basically asking to be bound by these rules. Don't like it? Go elsewhere.
1. You're a Grown Adult
You must be at least 18 years old, or have the mental capacity to make informed decisions about snack food. We're looking at you, college freshmen.
By using this site, you acknowledge that you can, in fact, read and understand the difference between "Snacks" and "Subsistence-level Hunger Management Solutions."
2. Snack Food Responsibility
You agree to use our website responsibly, with the understanding that excessive snacking may lead to regret, shame, and/or a permanent seat on your couch.
By using our site, you promise not to overindulge, overeat, or generally behave like a snack-addled buffoon.
3. Intellectual Property Rights
Our snarky remarks, witty one-liners, and snack-themed puns are all property of prophets of the snack empire. You're not allowed to use them without explicit permission, or risk being sued for snack-napping.
We're watching you, snack thieves.
4. Links and Subpages
For more information about our snacking policies, visit our:
For more on our snack-related litigation, visit our:
5. Disclaimers
We're not responsible for your snack-related decisions, or the consequences that come with them. Use at your own risk, or don't.
By using our site, you acknowledge that our lawyers have told us to say this, and we're not going to pay for their snacks.