Notifications from the Most Unreliable, Unpredictable Source

"Your favorite influencer just posted a selfie of themselves eating a sandwich!" View 1 like (1/1000)
"Someone just unfollowed you! Don't worry, it was probably just a bot." View 0 unfollows (0/10)
"Your account has been suspended due to excessive use of the word 'literally'." View suspension notice (1/1)