Welcome to our humble abode of doom.

Our team of expert prophets have spent years studying the art of predicting the unpredictable. Or at least, we've spent years trying to make it sound like we have.

Below, you'll find our latest prophecies:

• Your Car Will Blow Up (But Probably Not)
• Your Cat Just Moved In (And Is Judging You)
• Your Coffee is Actually Poison

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous:

Our Secret Society of Madmen

We're 99.9% sure your car will explode within the next 10 minutes.

But let's face it, we're not exactly sure about anything. Maybe your car will be fine.

Consult with our Secret Society of Madmen for more information.