Breaking News:

New Social Media Policy:

Due to overwhelming demand, we're introducing a new policy for our social media platforms: mandatory use of dad jokes in all posts.

Effective immediately, all posts must include at least one corny, eye-rolling joke. Failure to comply will result in penalties, including but not limited to:

1. Loss of followers by the thousands
2. Temporary suspension from posting for an indefinite period of time
3. Mandatory attendance at a series of trust-fund-raising comedy shows featuring the world's worst stand-up comedians
4. Public shaming on the social media platforms for 30 days straight
5. Forced watching of an 8-hour loop of cat videos

Don't @ us.