Today I saw a squirrel in my backyard. It was just chillin' on a tree branch, sipping a latte and wearing a tiny fedora. I'm not even kidding, it was a real scene. I'm pretty sure it was a time-traveling, ninja-squirrel from the 1920s. I mean, have you ever seen a squirrel in a fedora? It's just not something you see every day, you know.
But seriously, have you seen my cat, Mr. Whiskers? He's been missing for weeks and I'm starting to think he's been kidnapped by aliens. I mean, have you seen his Instagram account? It's full of catnip selfies and existential dread. I'm starting to worry that he's been replaced by a more fashionable and angst-ridden version of himself.
Anyway, if you want more stories about my cat's alleged alien abduction, follow me on more_squirrel_stories. Or if you want to see some actual squirrel pictures, check out squirrel_squad.