The Official 2024 Schedule for Doing Nothing

Here's what you can look forward to in the coming year:

January 1, 2024:

New Year's Day: Make a resolution you'll break within a week.

January 1-31, 2024: Spend an extra hour every morning browsing memes.

February 2024:

Valentine's Day: Realize you're single and eat a whole pizza by yourself.

February 1-28, 2024: Take a break from your significant other and pretend to be interested in your hobbies.

March 2024:

March Madness: Watch an entire season of your favorite TV show in one sitting.

March 1-31, 2024: Perfect your couch-to-tablet workout routine.

April 2024:

April Fool's Day: Realize you're not actually rich and successful.

April 1-30, 2024: Practice the art of pretending to be interested in politics.

May 2024:

May the Fourth: Celebrate the anniversary of your favorite sci-fi movie franchise.

May 1-31, 2024: Take an extra 30 minutes each day to scroll through your social media feeds.

June 2024:

June Solstice: Realize you're still single and alone in the world.

June 1-30, 2024: Learn to make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich.

July 2024:

Independence Day: Pretend you're a rebel, but really you're just a consumer.

July 1-31, 2024: Practice your "I'm not a morning person" face.

August 2024:

Summer of Love: Realize you're not actually in love with anyone.

August 1-31, 2024: Perfect the art of making small talk at a party.

September 2024:

September Slaying: Pretend you're a functioning member of society.

September 1-30, 2024: Learn to make excuses for why you're not doing anything productive.

October 2024:

Halloween: Dress up as a functioning member of society.

October 1-31, 2024: Take a break from the real world and pretend to be a wizard.

November 2024:

Thanksgiving: Pretend to be thankful for your life choices.

November 1-30, 2024: Learn to make the perfect Thanksgiving dinner for one.

December 2024:

Christmas: Pretend to be merry, even when you're not.

December 1-25, 2024: Practice the art of making small talk at a family gathering.