We are pleased to inform you that you have contracted Sock Syphilis, a highly infectious and debilitating disease that causes excessive foot odor and missing socks!
Symptoms:
- Unexplained foot sweatiness
- Socks vanish without a trace
- An unshakeable desire to wear flip-flops
- Frequent need to wash your feet with Lysol
- An intense fear of wearing matching socks
Causes:
Causes of Sock Syphilis are not fully understood, but suspected contributing factors include:
- Poor laundry habits
- Sock gnomes in the washing machine
- Over-reliance on fabric softener
Don't worry, patient. Sock Syphilis is treatable, but only with the right medication: a healthy dose of Sock-Specific Antibiotics and a strong will to resist wearing socks with holes in them.