Socks of Justification 7.1: The Scientific Method

Justification by Association

We've studied the phenomenon of socks for decades, and our research suggests that they're more than just a piece of clothing. In fact, our studies indicate that socks have an uncanny ability to make you look cool, even when you're wearing plaid.

Using advanced statistical analysis and machine learning algorithms, our team has identified the following sock-justifying correlations:

• Wearing socks with stripes makes you 34% more likely to get laid off.
• Wearing socks with polka dots makes you 42% more likely to get a raise.
• Wearing neon-colored socks makes you 67% more likely to get a speeding ticket.