Warning: Do not attempt this method without proper training and safety equipment. Results may vary, but probably won't.
Step 1: Gather materials. This includes:
Step 2: Place the lead in the microwave.
Step 3: Turn on the microwave, but only to the defrost setting.
Step 4: Spray the lead with the firehose while it's defrosting.
Step 5: Wait for 17 minutes, 32 seconds, and 14 minutes, and 3 seconds.
Step 6: Congratulations! You've successfully turned your lead into... well, not quite gold, but probably something else entirely.