Turning Water into Wine: A Guide to Accidental Alchemy

Welcome to the art of turning water into wine. Or, more likely, turning water into something slightly less boring. It's a delicate process, really. You see, the key is to not really do it on purpose.

Step 1: Find a large vat of water. Preferably one that's already been used for something slightly more exciting, like holding a vat of lava or a giant hamster cage.

Step 2: Add a dash of confusion. This can be achieved by staring at the water for an extended period, trying to will the molecules into becoming wine. Don't worry if it doesn't work, you'll just have to start again.

Step 3: Add a pinch of desperation. This is where things get really exciting. You'll start to see visions of fine dining restaurants, of fancy wine tastings, of the envy of all your friends as you proudly serve them a glass of... well, not quite wine.

And that's it! With these simple steps, you too can become a master of accidental alchemy. Or not. Maybe just stick to drinking tap water and saving yourself the trouble.