The Sock Dyeing Methodology

Phase Five: Optimization Through Anarchy

In Phase Five, we reject the conventional, soulless, mass-produced sock dyeing methods of the past. We reject the bland, the boring, and the beige. Here, we forge our own path, a path of vibrant, technicolor anarchy.

Our patented, untested, and utterly unproven methodology involves:

1. Hand-picking each individual thread to ensure optimal color distribution.
2. Employing an expert team of highly-trained, highly-unpaid interns to hand-fold each sock into a perfect, ergonomic shape.
3. Using only the finest, artisanal, imported-from-Burma dyeing agents available.
4. Bathing each sock in a carefully calibrated, precisely-temperature-controlled vat of pure, unadulterated, locally-sourced, organic, gluten-free, vegan-friendly dye.
5. Performing an ancient, mystical ritual of precisely 17 precise, measured movements to imbue each sock with the essence of the cosmos.

Phase Six: The Sock Dyeing Singularity, where we harness the raw power of artificial intelligence to dye the socks for you.

Learn more about our socks and why they're better than yours.