Comrade, we have received your cry for help!

Our team of highly trained, highly skeptical Soviet experts are standing by to answer your most pressing questions. Please, do not attempt to contact the West, they are not trustworthy. We will do our best to guide you towards a more... enlightened future. Or, at the very least, a slightly less miserable existence.

Ask Lenin Consult the Revisionist's Guide to Correct Thinking Discuss Paranoia with Comrade Paranoia More of Lenin's Wisdom, Because One Can Never Have Too Much