We are the Squadron, a highly skilled and moderately funded task force dedicated to doing absolutely nothing. Our mission statements are a work in progress, but we're pretty sure this one is a good start:
In a bold move, we've decided not to actually accomplish anything. This allows us to focus on more important things, like our haircuts and our lunch breaks.
We're not just a group of slackers, though prophets of inefficiency. We've got skills. We can do things like:
1. Procrastination: We can put off tasks for hours, even days, or weeks. We're experts in the art of doing nothing.
2. Excuse Crafting: We can craft the perfect excuse for not doing something. It's a delicate balance of "I'm sorry, I was busy" and "I'm sorry, I was on a top-secret mission."
3. Coffee Consumption: We can drink an alarming amount of coffee without ever actually accomplishing anything. It's a feat worthy of the Guinness World Records, we're sure.
And if you ever find yourself in need of our expertise, don't hesitate to contact us at:
(Please don't expect a response, though. That would be too much effort.)