Specifications for Stapler 9000

Model: Stapler 9000-ABP-9001

Alignment System: Automatic, with optional manual override for that special someone.

Staple Height: Adjustable, from 0.5mm to 5mm. Because you never know when you'll need to staple a particularly delicate paper.

Staple Count: 20,000 individual staples. Because you'll need to staple a lot of papers.

Power Source: Battery-powered, with optional USB-C charging port.

Dimensions: 15cm x 15cm x 5cm. Because you want it to fit on your desk, not on your shelf.

Weight: 2kg. Because you want it to have some heft, some presence.

Warranty: 5 years, because we're confident in our design.

Price: $500. Because you're worth it.

Optional features include:

Staple-Counter: tracks the number of staples used, because you want to know when to order more.
Auto-Align: automatically adjusts staple height and position for optimal paper alignment.

For more information, or to purchase the Stapler 9000, visit:

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous: