Features
- Staples with a speed of up to 1,000 staples per minute (or until it breaks)
- Jam-free technology: it never gets stuck, it just pretends like it doesn't
- Comes with a complimentary can of staples, because who needs to buy those separately?
Side effects of using the Ultra-Stapler 9000 may include:
-Excessive paper jamming
-Uncontrollable stapling rage
-Involuntary stapler-themed daydreams