STAPLER SAFETY HANDBOOK: Maintenance Edition

Tips and Warnings for the Discerning Stapler Enthusiast

Tippity Tips

Warning 1: Stapler Jam

When the stapler becomes jammed, DO NOT PANIC! Turn off the power, remove any debris, and gently tap the back of the stapler with a screwdriver while reciting an affirmation of your own incompetence. Repeat after me: "I am a stapler whisperer, hear me roar!"

Tip 1: Stapler Positioning

Always place the stapler at a 45-degree angle to maximize paper stapling efficiency. Do not place near any reflective surfaces, as this will create a feedback loop of existential dread.

Warning 2: Overuse

Do not overuse the stapler. Your coworkers will grow to resent you for the constant sound of metal on metal, and your hands will grow tired of the repetitive motion. Trust us, it's not worth it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What is the optimal stapler angle for maximum efficiency?

A: 45 degrees. Don't argue with us, we're experts.

Q: Can I use the stapler as a hammer?

A: No. Don't even think about it. Just don't.

Next: Electrical Safety Guidelines for the Modern Stapler