The Agony of the Infuser: A Rant

I mean, seriously, who thought it was a good idea to create a coffee machine that's only purpose is to infuse water with flavor and not actually make coffee?

• Why do they call themselves "coffee infusers" when they're just pretenders to the throne of real coffee makers?
• Don't even get me started on the "settings" - 3 flavors, 5 temperatures, 2 brew strengths. Who needs that kind of complexity in their morning routine?
• I'm pretty sure I saw a study that said infusers are actually just a front for the coffee overlords to slowly phase out our reliance on actual coffee beans.

If you're still reading this, you're probably an infuser. Well, let me tell you, friend, there's a better way - Why I love Tea might be more up your alley...