Step 7: Advanced Procrastination Techniques
Warning: Do not attempt these techniques on your own, as they may lead to irreversible consequences, such as:
But hey, if you're willing to take the risk, here's what you've got to do:
- Rearrange your desk to create the perfect procrastination environment.
This involves creating an obstacle course around your workspace, complete with couch cushions, chairs, and a miniature trampoline.
- Create a to-do list of unrelated tasks.
The goal is to have so many tasks that you'll never be able to focus on any one thing. It's like trying to eat a whole pizza menu in one sitting.
- Spend an inordinate amount of time on the internet.
The key is to find that sweet spot between 'interesting' and 'useful.' Anything more than that, and you're just wasting your time.
- Read the entire internet.
This involves setting up a series of bookmarks, tabs, and browser extensions to make it easy to find and read every article, forum post, and YouTube video ever created.
- Play video games on your work computer.
The goal is to create a 'productive' environment by having multiple tabs open, including one for your work, one for email, one for chat, and one for your favorite game.
- Take a long break to watch the weather.
The key is to find a weather channel that's interesting enough to keep you hooked for hours, but not so interesting that you'll actually get work done.