Chapter 2: The Stockpocalypse is Real, We Swear

As we previously established, the Stockpocalypse is a real thing. Like, it's not just a thing, it's a THING. And if you're here, you're probably trying to learn more about it.

So, let's get down to business. In this chapter, we'll cover the finer points of Stockpocalypse survival strategies.

Step 1: Stockpocalypse-Proof Your Pantry

Don't be like, "oh, I'll just wing it, I'm sure I'll be fine." No. You won't. Stockpocalypse-proof your pantry, or risk being stuck with a bunch of expired, moldy canned goods.

Check your pantry for these items, and get rid of them:

• Canned goods older than 6 months
• Dry goods with visible signs of pest activity
• Spaghetti that's been sitting in the pantry since 2018

Step 2: Learn to Identify Stockpocalypse-Related Stress Cues

You know, those little red flags that go off in your head when you realize you forgot to stock up on something important? Yeah, that's not just your brain being weird.

It's actually the Stockpocalypse's way of whispering to you, trying to prepare you for the impending doom.

Common Stockpocalypse-Related Stress Cues:

• The "Oh no, I almost forgot to buy milk" feeling, but it's actually the sound of the Stockpocalypse's drums beating in your head.
• The "I really should've bought more ramen" feeling, but it's actually the Stockpocalypse's way of telling you to stock up, pronto.
• The "Why did I just spend all my money on a fancy coffee machine?" feeling, but it's actually the Stockpocalypse's way of telling you to save, save, SAVEMORE.

Stay vigilant, folks. The Stockpocalypse is real, and it's coming for you.

Step 3: Find a Stockpocalypse Support Group

Join forces with fellow Stockpocalypse survivors. Share your fears, your strategies, your stockpiled canned goods. It's a tough road ahead, but together, you'll face the coming doom.

Find your local Stockpocalypse support group at /stockpocalypse/2023/guides/Chapter_3