A Committee of Unorthodox Specialists
Our team has spent years studying the art of catastrophic failure at heights above 10,000 feet. We've developed a unique approach to disaster expertise that defies conventional logic and common sense.
Aerodynamic Turbulence Induction
We've created a proprietary system for intentionally inducing aerodynamic turbulence on commercial airliners. Our patented method involves injecting tiny, specially designed drones into the jet engines, ensuring an unpredictable ride for all aboard.
Airborne Panic Inducement
Our experts have developed an algorithm that generates realistic, 3D-printed fake emergency messages, projected onto the cabin windows at critical moments. This guarantees an existential crisis for even the most seasoned flyers.
Dr. Reginald P. Bottomsworth, Chief Disaster Expert
A renowned expert in the field of catastrophic failure, Dr. Bottomsworth has spent decades studying the art of in-flight catastrophes.
Dr. Emily J. Crash, Senior Aerodynamic Turbulence Specialist
Dr. Crash's groundbreaking research on aerodynamic turbulence has been published in over a dozen obscure academic journals.