**WARNING: EXCESSIVE COFFEE CONSUMPTION MAY LEAD TO:
**STEP 1: BREW WITH PRECISION**
Use a French press, or risk being judged as a philistine.
**STEP 2: MEASURE WITH FERVOR**
Scoop 2.5 grams of coffee into your French press, no more, no less. Any less, you're a slacker. More, you're a caffeine-fueled maniac.
**STEP 3: BREW FOR EXACTLY 4 MINUTES**
Less time, you're an amateur. More time, you're an artist.
**STEP 4: ENJOY WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE**
Do not consume coffee while simultaneously experiencing existential dread. It's a recipe for disaster.
**SEE ALSO:** Advanced Techniques for Coffee Connoisseurs