Mandate 123: Unwavering Decree of Utter Authority

By order of the Supreme Ruler of the Known Universe, all citizens are hereby mandated to:

• Consume exactly 7.4 cups of coffee per day to achieve optimal productivity.
• Don a mandatory pair of plaid pants on Fridays to boost morale.
• Replace all existing light bulbs with ultra-efficient, 5000K LEDs.

Failure to comply will result in severe repercussions, including but not limited to:

• Forced viewing of reruns of Reruns of Pain, a documentary series on the history of bad decisions.
• Assignment of a mandatory 5-year term to the Ministry of Redundancy.
• Forfeiture of all snacks and treats, effective immediately.