By the power vested in us, we hereby decree that all snacks must be consumed with the utmost haste and fervor. No dawdling, no deliberation, no second-guessing. Snacks shall be devoured with the speed and ferocity of a starving wolverine.
Section 2: The Consequences of Non-Compliance
Any and all who fail to comply with this mandate shall be subject to the following penalties:
Exile to the Land of Unyielding Hunger
Forfeiture of all snack privileges, including but not limited to: cookies, chips, and pretzels
Assignment to the Department of Uncooperative Eating