The Submandate: Terms of Service

Warning: These terms of service are in no way related to actual legal documents.

Section 1: The Unreadable Clause

By clicking "I agree", you acknowledge that you have read and understand the following:

Article 1: You will never, ever, actually read this document.

You will not be held accountable for your complete lack of comprehension.

Section 2: The Unfairly Arbitrarily Long and Confusing Clause

By continuing to use our services, you acknowledge that you understand the following, even though you probably don't:

Article 1: You will not hold us responsible for the existential crisis you'll experience after reading this section.

You will not be compensated for the lost hours of your life.

This is a real thing that might actually happen to someone who reads this.